I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
