I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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