goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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