Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize