dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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