bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
