i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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