I think I am morally bankrupt
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
