on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
