i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
