Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
