im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Randomize
