i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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