I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
