Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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