I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
