watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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