Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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