I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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