i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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