A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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