Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
