from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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