he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
