Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
