I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
