we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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