My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
