last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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