i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
