Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
