So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
