I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
