I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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