two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
