saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Randomize
