my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
