Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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