Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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