So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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