considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
