Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
