Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
