My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
