I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
