Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
