im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
