talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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