I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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