Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
