is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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