DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
