I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
