Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
