He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i think i have two assholes
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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