she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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