Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
