Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Randomize
