I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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