woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
