No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
