i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
