Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
