i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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