Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
