Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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