I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize