Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize