His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
