I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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